With apologies to Destiny's Child, I'm not sure that being an independent woman is all it's cracked up to be. My lifestyle of independence has not prepared me for this new phase. Back in college, I was blessed that the money my parents had saved plus scholarships was enough to pay for tuition. Each year we thought I would need to borrow, but never did. I had a two friends in college (Teri and Deb) who had to work like crazy to support themselves and still had quite a bit of debt. This story isn't about me not being blessed financially, because I was, but about my attitude of independence.Except for holiday gifts I don't recall receiving any cash from my parents the first 10 years after I left home. The first two years I lived in the dorms and had work-study jobs that paid for my books, toiletries, and other expenses. When I moved to an apartment the summer before third-year, it simply never occurred to me to ask for money for room and board. I used the money I earned during the summer and then at my school-year work-study job for rent, food, and all other expenses. Spring semester I realized that I would need to save up money for my upcoming fall semester abroad. It never occurred to me to ask for money for this. I simply got a second job and worked 40 hours a week spring semester, despite the full course load. In the summer I worked two jobs totaling at least 60 hours a week (which didn't seem like a lot compared to my then-boyfriend who consistently worked 80 hours per week) and saved what I could.
I graduated the following year on a Saturday and started working for the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association the next Monday. I started out at 40 hours per week at minimum wage, but quickly started working overtime, which since I was paid by the hour was nice. After two years I quit that job to start taking pre-med requirements, mostly full-time, occasionally over. The first summer and fall quarter I was able to only work one part-time job by using the over-time savings I had built up, but after that I took a second and then a third part-time job to make ends meet. It never occurred to me to ask my parents for money for school or to slow down. I just worked more -- the weekends were especially brutal with Friday and Saturday night-shifts as a nursing station technician at a pediatric ICU then working most of Sunday as the Senior High Youth Minister at my church. Mornings before class I worked as a home health aide at an assisted living facility.
During medical school and residency I traveled several times to Third World countries to visit missionaries and to do mission work. It never occurred to me to ask for donations for this, I simply used money that I had saved. In fact, it only occurred to me last year that I could have asked for donations when I told my friend Nadia this would be a new lifestyle for me and she was surprised I had never received donations before.
My parents would probably have loaned or given me money if I had asked. They are both more generous with each passing year. In fact I think I did end up borrowing some money from my mother when I was overseas and some from my Dad later over the years for some used cars. But the point is, for some reason, it didn't occur to me to ask. I thought I had to do everything on my own.
My new "salary" will come 100% from donations. This includes all moving expenses, all work expenses, and all monthly living expenses. I received my last paycheck last month, and thought I'd saved enough money for all of my living and ministry expenses to last through these next three months of support-raising in the U.S. Then my house didn't sell. As I was driving back from San Diego last week, I was thinking about all of these things, and realized I was being led into an even deeper area of trust. I realized that despite being committed to living fully on support for the foreseeable future I had saved enough, I had planned enough, etc. Don't get me wrong -- I'm still very into hard work and thriftiness. However, I think that I have established some seriously independent ways of thinking that are going to make this new way of living/being more difficult.
