Knowing

I received two e-mails in the past 12 hours. The first one is from a Haitian friend whose wife has been in and out of hospitals the past few weeks.  He hasn't managed to find a job for years – not too surprising, with unemployment at 60 – 80%. He put himself through secondary school (finishing in his 20s), and is constantly seeking opportunities but so often ends up going a day or more in a row without food. Last summer there was a job opening in town. He and I worked on his CV and he turned it in, but then they never ended up interviewing anyone. I'd heard recently they were going to start looking for someone for the post and so encouraged him to go back. Yesterday he wrote (my translation):

"Good evening, Momma Liz. I'm so happy that you wrote to me. As far as the [job opening] goes, I went there and they told me the director wasn't there. They told me to come back. I keep going back. That's why I didn't write you right away about this.

"[My wife] was really sick again! They hospitalized her, and I can't find any money looking high or looking low. Today I was able to go to the hospital! What is the worst is that she was pregnant, and the doctors gave her a medication that isn't good when you're pregnant. She took the medication for three days...Please explain to [our mutual friends] all of this for me, if they could send something for me now! Because there is a person who was supposed to use some money for her child, and she loaned me that money so I could run with it to the hospital...

"Okay, Momma Liz. To close I'll tell you that the baby in her tummy died. It seems that she was one month and 15 days pregnant. They've done a D & C for that. Momma Liz, the year that I've had! But Jesus still loves me! Okay, thanks. God bless you!"

And the second, from a Haitian man that volunteers with us. He has a technical degree, works really hard, is an upstanding, godly man and travels from village to village helping his neighbors. He's written to me a few times in the past few months, just keeping up. But then yesterday he wrote the following (my translation):

"Hi, Liz, how are you? And your activities, your family? I know that you and your family are under the security of God. Liz, please, I'm still young, I can learn and I don't yet have my own family – if you ever find a place in your country where they offer a scholarship to study any profession – if you find a possibility like this please check it out for me. Thank you. God bless you, Liz."

I am really angry. I'm angry at:

• the prince of this world, and for the corruption, greed, selfishness, and violence that breed injustice, misery, and poverty
• myself for my occasional fantasizing about moving back permanently to a rich country and having everything be convenient
• church teachings that separate the spiritual and the physical, not seeing the interconnection and Jesus' concern and broken heart and involvement to transform everything that is going wrong in our world
• really really bad medical systems, and lack of access to care
• the promotion of theology that I seem to hear frequently, that God always provides opportunities for us to be all that we can be, when this actually is not true for many of our brothers and sisters
• the fact that I have to decide again whether or not to send funds, worrying about creating dependency and a one-way relationship
• the fact that I have not been able to help find my friend a job, and that I don't know about any scholarship opportunities for my co-worker, and I'm not sure that there actually are any that would apply to him since he doesn't speak English
• the fact that my co-worker would love to be trained in any profession at all -- while so many of us are busy having mid-life crises or wanting the perfect job
• the fact that this story is repeated over and over, with so many people that I know -- including many of our CHE volunteers -- who are doing all they can but cannot pay for their children to go to school or for loved ones to get medical care

Now, as my pastor frequently says, “Please don't hear what I'm not saying.”  I'm not saying that the answer is always money, or everyone moving to another country, or never being introspective or dissatisfied with your career. And I'm not saying that it's not okay to buy yourself a pair of elegant boots while traveling in Europe (especially if they were on a mega-sale and really, you'll be back in a cold place next winter so they're also useful).  I'm just saying that I'm upset, that the world is unfair and unjust in its current state, and I can't un-know the people or the things that I know.

Two thousand years ago, a man named Paul wrote, “I do not mean that others should be eased and you burdened, but that as a matter of fairness your abundance at the present time should supply their need, so that their abundance may supply your need, that there may be fairness.” 2 Corinthians 8:13 – 14 I can't un-know that, either.