Knowing

I received two e-mails in the past 12 hours. The first one is from a Haitian friend whose wife has been in and out of hospitals the past few weeks.  He hasn't managed to find a job for years – not too surprising, with unemployment at 60 – 80%. He put himself through secondary school (finishing in his 20s), and is constantly seeking opportunities but so often ends up going a day or more in a row without food. Last summer there was a job opening in town. He and I worked on his CV and he turned it in, but then they never ended up interviewing anyone. I'd heard recently they were going to start looking for someone for the post and so encouraged him to go back. Yesterday he wrote (my translation):

"Good evening, Momma Liz. I'm so happy that you wrote to me. As far as the [job opening] goes, I went there and they told me the director wasn't there. They told me to come back. I keep going back. That's why I didn't write you right away about this.

"[My wife] was really sick again! They hospitalized her, and I can't find any money looking high or looking low. Today I was able to go to the hospital! What is the worst is that she was pregnant, and the doctors gave her a medication that isn't good when you're pregnant. She took the medication for three days...Please explain to [our mutual friends] all of this for me, if they could send something for me now! Because there is a person who was supposed to use some money for her child, and she loaned me that money so I could run with it to the hospital...

"Okay, Momma Liz. To close I'll tell you that the baby in her tummy died. It seems that she was one month and 15 days pregnant. They've done a D & C for that. Momma Liz, the year that I've had! But Jesus still loves me! Okay, thanks. God bless you!"

And the second, from a Haitian man that volunteers with us. He has a technical degree, works really hard, is an upstanding, godly man and travels from village to village helping his neighbors. He's written to me a few times in the past few months, just keeping up. But then yesterday he wrote the following (my translation):

"Hi, Liz, how are you? And your activities, your family? I know that you and your family are under the security of God. Liz, please, I'm still young, I can learn and I don't yet have my own family – if you ever find a place in your country where they offer a scholarship to study any profession – if you find a possibility like this please check it out for me. Thank you. God bless you, Liz."

I am really angry. I'm angry at:

• the prince of this world, and for the corruption, greed, selfishness, and violence that breed injustice, misery, and poverty
• myself for my occasional fantasizing about moving back permanently to a rich country and having everything be convenient
• church teachings that separate the spiritual and the physical, not seeing the interconnection and Jesus' concern and broken heart and involvement to transform everything that is going wrong in our world
• really really bad medical systems, and lack of access to care
• the promotion of theology that I seem to hear frequently, that God always provides opportunities for us to be all that we can be, when this actually is not true for many of our brothers and sisters
• the fact that I have to decide again whether or not to send funds, worrying about creating dependency and a one-way relationship
• the fact that I have not been able to help find my friend a job, and that I don't know about any scholarship opportunities for my co-worker, and I'm not sure that there actually are any that would apply to him since he doesn't speak English
• the fact that my co-worker would love to be trained in any profession at all -- while so many of us are busy having mid-life crises or wanting the perfect job
• the fact that this story is repeated over and over, with so many people that I know -- including many of our CHE volunteers -- who are doing all they can but cannot pay for their children to go to school or for loved ones to get medical care

Now, as my pastor frequently says, “Please don't hear what I'm not saying.”  I'm not saying that the answer is always money, or everyone moving to another country, or never being introspective or dissatisfied with your career. And I'm not saying that it's not okay to buy yourself a pair of elegant boots while traveling in Europe (especially if they were on a mega-sale and really, you'll be back in a cold place next winter so they're also useful).  I'm just saying that I'm upset, that the world is unfair and unjust in its current state, and I can't un-know the people or the things that I know.

Two thousand years ago, a man named Paul wrote, “I do not mean that others should be eased and you burdened, but that as a matter of fairness your abundance at the present time should supply their need, so that their abundance may supply your need, that there may be fairness.” 2 Corinthians 8:13 – 14 I can't un-know that, either.

Feelin' the Love Tonight

The first thing Uncle Jim asks me this morning is, "So, d'ya wanna birdcake?"  His nickname is Uncle Byrd (sic), and every morning he cooks up his special multi-grain pancakes.  After a delicious breakfast, I leave the house in a car that my friend Amy loaned me last night -- she said that she takes the bus to work anyway, so I might as well use her car for a couple of days.  I meet Libby at a coffee shop for hours of beautiful conversation -- I had been staying with her family, but they've got a second house guest and my hacking, all-night cough means that I really need my own room.  My conversation with Libby is accompanied by an amazing espresso macchiato that my friend Pat makes me.  Later he treats me to a cup of coffee ('cause I need the caffeine, thanks to the all-night hacking).  He also treats me to some conversation after finishing his shift.

Thanks to Amy's car, I am able to run some errands!  Also thanks to Amy, my lunch is leftover green curry tofu, mmm....  Thanks to Pat's generosity, dessert is part of a 70% chocolate bar. (Ingredients:  cocoa beans, sugar.)

My church has a special "service of prayer for healing and wholeness" tonight.  I walk in to the sound of acoustic guitar and voice.  Later there is a Scripture reading, then harp music, followed by a time of silence.  I lift up a work situation, my physical illness, a dear friend.  Before the anointing with oil, the leader prays, "Blessed are you, sovereign God, gentle and merciful, creator of heaven and earth.  Your Word brought light out of darkness, and daily your Spirit renews the face of the earth.  Your anointed Son brought healing to those in weakness and distress.  He broke the power of evil and set us free from sin and death that we might praise your name forever.  By the power of your Spirit may your blessing rest on those who are anointed with this oil in your name; may they be made whole in body, mind and spirit, restored in your image, renewed in your love, and serve you as sons and daughters in your kingdom.  Through your anointed Son, Jesus Christ, our Lord, to whom with you and the Holy Spirit we lift our voices of thanks and praise."  And we all pray, "Blessed be God, our strength and our salvation, now and forever.  Amen."

We kneel at the altar to be anointed with oil.  We're a small group tonight, and those on the healing team know me -- I've gone to this church on and off since 1989.  Phyllis anoints my forehead and prays over me by name.

I leave the church, thinking of how lovely it is to be a part of the Church, to be able to walk into a place of beauty and healing where people know my name.  And how excellent it is to have a hat and long undies so that the 16-degree temps don't bite once I'm outside.  I drive Amy's car down to Highland Village, to see if I can figure out a present for Teri's birthday (I'd struck out earlier today).  Ah-ha!  I buy her the perfect gift, then walk into Barnes & Noble to get up-to-speed.  Christmas (and even some Halloween!) items are on clearance.  I leaf through a book by Stephen Colbert and struggle not to laugh out loud.  An endcap displays a book about boy band One Direction -- I'd first heard of them last month in Arizona, so I'm feeling in-the-know.  I pick up a combo-pack:  James Joyce's A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man and Dubliners, which Dave recently recommended.  (I glance through it first, to make sure that it isn't a bunch of crazy Irish gibberish, like I remember Ulysses to be.)

I drive back "home," marveling at how easy all this is -- a car that works well and that is for my exclusive use, roads that are clear and in good repair that briskly take me where I want to go, lots of radio stations to scan.  Once at home I heat up the leftover snow pea and baby corn wok mock duck, also thanks to Amy.  My aunt and uncle (brother and sister) debate where I should leave Amy's car so that my aunt doesn't hit it in the morning -- close to the garage or far back on the driveway?  They crack me up.  I move the car farther back in the driveway, hoping it's the right choice.

I sit on my aunt's bed and we talk about our lives.  Then I send off a few work e-mails that I didn't get to earlier today.  Thanks to Christmas presents from my Mom, I snack on a Lindt "intense orange" dark chocolate bar.

I am feelin' the love tonight.

Transition Time

One of the best parts about this job is all of the incredible people I get to work with!  The above picture is of Erigeur and Madame Erigeur (I'll try to find her given name to include it here) with their daughter.  They are both very gifted CHE trainers.
“Copyright © 2012 Deborah Carr”

As you will have seen in my latest newsletter and Christmas card, I returned to the United States in late November to discern next steps in ministry with my main sending church, Epic Christian Church. (If you don't get my newsletter, please let me know!)  My mission organization, Medical Ambassadors International (MAI), asked me to continue working with them in a different region. However, the local Haiti team and our American church partners have asked me to continue working with them in Haiti.

Ministry in Haiti has expanded so much over the past two years that I have been there – not due to me but due to the fact that so many people are hearing about the effectiveness of our ministry tools, Community Health Evangelism (CHE), and are asking us to partner with them all over Haiti. In addition, our dedicated volunteer trainers continue to spread the good news of the whole gospel, which in these tragic times of cholera has been recognized for the good news that it is, both physically and spiritually! It is so exciting to be part of a ministry that is bearing so much fruit.

So, after much prayer and counsel, I have resigned from MAI but I will be continuing with the same work in Haiti as a missionary sent out by my Arizona church, which has an account for me and will accept donations for my work (see below for how to do this).  I will be traveling in the US and Europe from January to March, visiting friends and family.  During this time I will work remotely, assisting our American church partners with their communication and plans with the local Haiti team and helping the local team in other ways that they ask.

During my five years with MAI I've met so many wonderful people and seen incredible transformations of both individuals and communities, witnessing God's faithfulness over and over again. Thank you for your support which makes this possible!

Here I am with Erigeur's son on their porch.  He'd exchanged shirts with his little friend this day (she's a girl).  One of the elements of my job that I like the most is interpreting -- here for the photographer of this picture, Deborah Carr, and our Canadian interns at the time, Rick and Rhonda Hamilton.
“Copyright © 2012 Deborah Carr”

To donate for my work in Haiti:

Epic Christian Church

P.O. Box 550

Queen Creek, AZ 85142-1810

Write in memo line: Haiti Mission

To donate to the local Haiti team or to our Area Coordinator, Osse St Juste:

Medical Ambassadors International

P.O. Box 1302

Salida, CA 95368

888-403-0600 x215

Write in memo line: Haiti or Osse St. Juste

Shocking?

The tragedy in Newtown:  people said it was "devastating" and "shocking" and couldn't stop posting about it.  I didn't get it.  I mean, obviously I get that it was horrible, but it certainly didn't seem completely unexpected, given the frequency of mass shootings.  But my response seems so at odds with that of many around me (I am currently in Arizona).  Is that because I've been hanging out with non-American expats (primarily French and Belgian) in Haiti that are not surprised to hear of these things happening in the US, what with our lax gun laws and lack of health care coverage (including mental health care)?

I started to wonder if I was perhaps just getting immune to tragedy, with floods and cholera and other disasters and diseases coming one after the other in Haiti without safety nets or funds for adequate risk prevention.  And those things are happening to people I know personally, to my friends and their families. 

Or was it because I have been living overseas for five years and am more distanced from events here in the US?  Or perhaps was I not so affected because Connecticut is geographically far away?  But I'd just been horrified by the fire in a Bangladesh garment factory that killed 112 people.   Of course, I felt partially involved in that event since I had recently broken my decades-long ban on Walmart (I've always been aware that there's a reason why Walmart can sell merchandise so cheaply, I just tried to push those thoughts aside since the Walmart is the closest store where I'm currently living). 

Was it because I am painfully aware that I pay (via my tax dollars) to kill children overseas?


I don't know.

Sermon heard in Cap Haitien

My notes from Pere Noe's sermon on Sunday, November 11, 2012 after severe flooding in Cap Haitien:

"This week we saw the water come down. We saw people die. But we also saw solidarity....Human beings are fragile, our lives can be snuffed out in a moment like a match....As Christians we are salt and light. We need to be an example of love and solidarity – we need to follow Jesus not just with our mouths but with our actions. Jesus paid the debt for our sins by dying on the cross. He accepted suffering and death to give us life. We also must act in solidarity with people who are suffering....

1) We are light. Where we see corruption, Christians must stand up and be light....The prophets denounced injustice. We need to take up this responsibility.

2) As we live in harmony with God, and also harmony with our neighbor, we recognize that we are responsible to build up a society that reflects peace, joy.

3) As we live the Word we ask God for forgiveness for what we have done wrong – no one is without fault.

My problem is your problem. My trouble is your trouble. My tèt chaje (lit. “weighted/loaded head,” meaning stress over lots of trouble) is your tèt chaje. And as we do this we break the works of Satan."

Traveling -- this time for fun!

On a train heading to a woods in which to hike

I'm on vacation!  Well, mostly -- I've had a few work calls and e-mails, but I think I'm nearly done with that.  Work has been pretty intense recently -- lots of travel -- including weekends -- and staying in the office late while in town.  I'm really glad to have these days off.

I'm a full-time missionary, which means that my salary and work expenses come from donors.  Now, I've always been a very frugal person, so mostly this isn't difficult.  Living in Haiti has also made me a more generous and sacrificial person, and I have even learned to (sometimes) give up my food so that a friend could eat.  But I'm actually on vacation in Europe right now.  How does this work?

My friends are scattered all over the world, and it just so happens that one of my best friends from way back is a woman who lives in Germany.  Eva and I were roommates for three years, and we have stayed really close -- since I've become a missionary she's paid the phone bills so that we can continue to talk several times a month.  She was due to visit me in Haiti in October, but sadly had to have an operation and canceled her trip.  I really wanted/needed vacation, and actually had some people give me personal funds to make it possible to come visit Eva.

To me, spending vacation in Germany is about the same as spending it in Ohio or California -- I just have to sit a little longer on a plane.  I've lived in Europe twice (Italy and Spain) and before becoming a missionary I traveled here several times.  I've even visited Eva twice in Stuttgart already (well, I think it might be three times, but she thinks it's been twice).  So I would like to list the things that make this trip exciting to me.  They are actually all things that would be true of my life if I lived in Arizona, Minnesota, or Seattle -- and are probably true of your life, too:

• Clean drinking water from the tap!
• Hot water from the tap!
• Autumn weather (although in Arizona we would call this "winter weather")
• A beautiful apartment where things work and paint isn't peeling
• Quiet
• A piano to play
• Coffee shops
• A really huge variety of healthy food, and yummy, yummy food (Vietnamese food!  hummus!  pastries!)
• Comfortable furniture
• Exercising without feeling faint from the heat
• Not having to scrub the dirt off my feet at night
• And the biggest and best and most important thing of all:  A friend to talk with face-to-face that I've known for more than a year or two.

This is a very over-exposed picture of Eva -- we were eating outside at a Vietnamese restaurant in downtown Stuttgart. (It's phenomenal to travel with a vegetarian!)

Now, I love the life that I live in Haiti -- the ministry, my co-workers, the music school at which I volunteer -- and do not spend my days thinking about all of the things listed above that I "lack."  (Well, except for friends -- I haven't known anyone in Haiti for more than a year or two, and many of my friends there have already moved or are moving away.)   And I sometimes feel weird that people know that I'm here in Stuttgart, since it sounds exotic and tourist-y and castle-y to many people.  It doesn't sound that way to me (and donor funds didn't pay for it).   Tonight I get to meet Eva's small group (cell group/community group) from church, and on Saturday her parents are coming down to visit -- fun for me, but not a castle!  :)

Moving?

I lived the first 17 years of my life in one place:  a western suburb of Cleveland, Ohio.  My Mom just sold that house two years ago.

Once I graduated from high school I started moving around -- I spent a year in Italy as an exchange student and then moved to St. Paul, Minnesota to start college.  I moved around in a typical way for a college student, I guess:  two dorm rooms, five apartments, my aunt's house for a summer and a semester abroad in Toledo, Spain.

Fifteen years ago I left Minnesota for...  

• medical school in Des Moines, Iowa (two different apartments in my two years there)
• Dayton, Ohio for my third year of medical school
• I then put my things in storage to spend a year of medical rotations in Oklahoma, Texas, Minnesota, the Bronx, Iowa (Davenport), Ohio
• back to Minnesota for residency
• Arizona for work
• Argentina
• Haiti

I currently live in a pension, where I have my own bedroom and bathroom and am given breakfast every morning.  During my first year here I got lunch as well, but I quickly grew tired of fried meat and simple carbs (boiled plantains or rice and beans with far more rice than beans is daily fare here).  So now I eat mangos, freshly roasted peanuts, imported Grape Nuts, etc.   I still haven't fully figured it out.

My good friend Blandine has decided to stay for the next year -- or rather, she said "sûrement," which is apparently only 95% sure.  Her roommate leaves in two weeks, and I can move in with her.  Her apartment is very close to where I currently live and work and is still on the sea (read:  slightly cooler breezes than the rest of town). 

Advantages:

• I will be able to keep it clean -- my current place has really old tile and stuck-on grime everywhere.  Blandine's apartment is new-ish, so much easier to clean.
• When all of my friends and family start to come visit me (ahem), I will have a place for them to stay.
• I will have a kitchen and a refrigerator, expanding the possibilities for what I can eat (or at least of what I can import and then conserve)
• I will have a little privacy -- right now the guests that are put in the rooms next to mine can see directly into my room from the shared balcony.  
• My French will improve!

Disadvantages:

• The people that work at this pension are like a second family to me.  And while for me that is an emotional tie, for them it is both emotional and economic (this place is kind of run down, and every guest means more job security for them).
• I haven't had a roommate for 15 years.  I think I'm pretty flexible, since I do live with other people for several months out of every year as I travel, but still -- I'm a little worried this could hurt our friendship.
• I don't have to deal with a lot of things at the pension -- I don't have to go to the market for food very often or pay someone to go for me, I don't have to get my own drinking water, or buy things for an apartment.
• Where I live is really secure.  Not that Blandine's isn't, but my place has people there all the time and is on a major road.
• Here at the pension when there's no electricity in the evenings they turn on the generator.

So, if Blandine's sûrement turns into a certainement, in two weeks I'll be making my eighth "permanent" move in 15 years.