Life is not a contest

It has come to my attention that my friends and acquaintances who are married with children might appreciate some cultural tips on dealing with your single brothers and sisters.  Below is something that I wrote several months ago about experiences related to singleness and childlessness that frequently come up in my mind and in private conversations but that I rarely see discussed publicly:

1. Life isn't a contest.

2.  I'm glad when I hear someone say that marriage made him less selfish or that having children made her learn to think about others besides herself.  But just because I don’t have kids doesn't mean that I am selfish. Thankfully, God doesn't want any of us to be self-centered and, if we are willing, God will use our life experiences to shape us into more caring, outward-focused people.  In order to take good care of patients I work long hours, stay on top of the latest information, listen attentively and initiate difficult conversations when necessary.  On top of that I volunteer thousands of hours per year for a mission organization, and often spend several hours per week helping out friends and acquaintances. But again, life isn't a contest.

3.  Raising children is very hard, and it’s great that our culture seems to be recognizing that.  For one thing, it is very draining to get up in the middle of the night -- I know this first-hand, since parenting isn't the only job that requires this!  :-)  I get up in the middle of the night after a long day’s work to go out in the freezing cold to the hospital to care for strangers who may be appreciative or may not – making critical decisions at 3 am and having to look professional while doing it.  Being a parent is hard in other ways, too, of course.  But that doesn't actually mean that in every way being a mother in the US is the hardest job on the planet. (I think about the subsistence farmers that I've met who use hand tools to barely get enough food for their family who face life-altering and frequently life-threatening parenting trials and concerns.) Also, see #1 again.

4.  I get really excited when my friends have babies, and I also get really sad when they lose babies. I also get sad sometimes at the slowly-dawning realization, month after month, that I probably won’t ever have a baby myself. Please consider the possible sorrow of all the childless people in your midst – not just the married ones -- when sharing news about infertility issues. We may actually feel your sorrow more than you know.

5.  Your body probably changed when you had a baby. I, too, have stretch marks (from puberty and weight gain – life is stressful!). I, too, have had months of swollen feet and ankles (tropical countries). I, too, have had months of nausea on end (third world living). Let’s appreciate all of that, and not imply that the only valid excuse for stretch marks is pregnancy. (Again, see #1.)

6.  I also get tired and like to stay in most nights and follow quiet pursuits, and need a lot more time to recover from a sleepless night. Some things you experience may actually be changes due in part to age, not necessarily parenthood – we might have more in common than you think.

7.  If you were only a single adult for a brief period in your early 20s, you might not know what it’s like to be single in your 30s, 40s, and 50s. On the one hand, we have many things in common that you may not think about when you view us as yourselves decades-ago: we have careers, house and car purchases, we worry about planning for retirement and taking care of aging parents, etc.  But also, although we might not have some of the really tough concerns that you do about your children, we might have some worries that you don’t – who will take care of us when we get older, or develop a debilitating illness? How do we deal with cross-country moves all by ourselves? How do we handle all home responsibilities (yard work and repairs and cooking and grocery shopping) as well as taxing jobs?

8.  You might have chosen to have children, but that doesn't mean that I necessarily choose not to. Not having met a wonderful guy who was available at the right time wasn't necessarily a choice on my part. I can rejoice with you when your marriage is going well and be sad with you when it is falling apart. But please don’t assume that we've all had the same options.

9.  My definition of "alone" is actually the dictionary one -- when I say that I did something alone, I mean with no other human being.  For example, when I mention that things are difficult right now because I recently moved to another state "all by myself," and you respond that you did that, too -- but you mean that you moved with your life partner or even with your life partner and all of your children, this is frustrating.  I'm sure your move was challenging -- like mine, you left your friends (well, most of them -- you did actually make the move together with one of your best friends), unlike mine perhaps you have the additional challenge of no longer having extended family to help with the kids.  But you did not actually move by yourself.  There are actually people in your new city (in your own house!) that you have known for more than a few weeks.

10.  Single people actually miss out on some things you might not think about. 

• Playing -- When I’m with my friends’ kids I love getting to actually play:  board games, card games, tag.
• Talking about our day – I know that doesn't always happen (or happen well) with married people. But do you realize it can be the norm for singles who live alone to not talk with anyone about how their day has gone? 
• Marking life milestones – I know many spouses complain that their partner does nothing for their birthday, but who typically plans a birthday celebration for a single person? Who makes sure that the job successes or other milestones are celebrated? They often just pass by. 
• Holiday routines – as much as possible, I spend my holidays with family members. I don't always get to be with family on the holidays due to distance or time constraints with work, and I don't consistently get to see the same family members.  Except when alone on the holidays, I do not spend the holidays at my own house, nor do I celebrate the same traditions every year -- I participate in the traditions of the people I'm with.

In the above I am in no way claiming that certain people categorically have more difficult lives -- in fact, I'm rather tired of hearing about that (see #1).  In general I really enjoy my life and appreciate the blessings and accept the challenges.  I am really just trying to fill in some gaps on some points that many of my single brothers and sisters wish were more public knowledge.  So there's your PSA for the day.

Assumptions

Today a friend told me about a book she'd read about a missionary's experience in Haiti.  I looked up the author's blog and one of the first sentences I saw was about a 5-year-old child that everyone called a "baby" because she couldn't speak.  My first thought was that they were probably actually calling her a "bèbè" (deaf-mute) rather than "bebe" (baby) -- there is a subtle difference in pronunciation between the two.  Then I wondered how many other assumptions had been made because of this one (likely) misunderstanding.

Then I directed it back to myself -- how many times do I make assumptions based on a misunderstanding?  In this instance, how am I prejudging this blogger and all of the things she might say next?  sigh

I have been incredibly blessed by my friendship with Rick and Rhonda Hamilton, who interned with us in Haiti in 2011-2012.  Rhonda once wrote a blog post about me  and made it clear that she noticed that I'm kind of obsessed with not making cultural assumptions:

You will conclude a matter and Liz will say “I’m not sure I can say that because I just haven’t studied it out.” “I haven’t been here long enough to say that…maybe it's just a cultural thing”. This happens a lot. It challenges me to examine my own thought processes, has exposed my prejudices and has made me a better missionary.

You see, I have been wrong so many times in my interpretation of events.  And people are often wrong in their assumptions about me, about my country.  And then when language gets in the way -- uff!

Today I got angry about other remembered assumptions and misinterpretations about Haiti from my non-Haitian acquaintances.  Then I got angry about things that people have recently assumed about me.  Then I got angry about things that acquaintances have recently posted that criticize medical professionals due to a whole host of assumptions.  Then I thought I should go exercise to get rid of all of this anger -- and remembered that I've had two bum knees for the past six weeks and couldn't run or bike -- so of course I got angry about that.

Oh, Brother Francis!  Make this be my prayer as well:

Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace;

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is discord, harmony;

Where there is error, truth;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

And where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, Grant that I may not so much seek

To be consoled as to console;

To be understood as to understand;

To be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Community Health Evangelism in Haiti

Report prepared by Osse St Juste, Coordinator of Medical Ambassadors Haiti

Community Health Evangelism (CHE) first started in Haiti in 1993 in the area of Labruyere, in the north of the country.  A team was trained at a Training of Trainers 1 (TOT1) in the Dominican Republic and started implementing the CHE principles in the following villages in the North province (“Nord” in French – see map): Milot, Grand Ravine, Labruyere, and Bayeux.  Out of those four communities, CHE really got started in Labruyere and a little bit in Bayeux.  Through contacts that were made, CHE began to be implemented in trainers' hometowns of Monben Kwochi (in the Northeast province, or Nord-Est), Lenbe, and the area of Lakil (both in North).  There are several ways that the program can expand:  through churches, partner organizations, clinics, or other local organizations.  There are some programs in Haiti that receive direct support from Medical Ambassadors International (the original organization which started CHE in so many countries).  There are other international organizations and churches that ask the local team, Ambassadeurs Medicaux d'Haiti (AMDH, or Medical Ambassadors Haiti) to accompany them.

As of today there are around 80 communities in Haiti that use the CHE tools.  About 35 of those programs are overseen by different partner organizations.  Of the over 40 CHE programs overseen directly by AMDH there are a total of 72 trainers, 350 committee members, and 1152 community health evangelists (CHEs, the house-to-house volunteers).  There are even more communities that are hoping to start the first training, a TOT1.  The CHE communities have gone through several stages:  the awareness seminar, committee training, training of the CHEs, then often Women's Cycle of Life and Children's CHE.  The majority of the CHE communities in Haiti have already reached the stage of doing home visits.  As we begin seeing CHEs start to visit homes and small local projects planned and executed, we start to see changes in communities.  We often have a party to celebrate the beginning of home visits, and everyone who went through the training gets a certificate.  We call this the “Change Party.”  We perform evaluations to verify that people have retained what they learned.  The trainers also evaluate the homes that are visited.

Different missions and organizations plan and partner with AMDH when they see that we have common goals.  AMDH then accompanies these organizations as they organize and plan trainings.  We do a vision seminar for the communities involved and then offer a series of trainings:  of these trainings, TOTs 1 and 2 are critical.  A TOT 3 is done if there are several active CHE programs that are working well and expanding.  Together with our partners we have CHE programs now in multiple provinces (“departments” in Kreyol):  North, Northeast, Artibonite, Central Plateau, and now some new programs starting in the West province.  In the southern part of the country (in the West province in particular) the programs are led by church and mission organizations.  (Click here for a map of Haiti showing the provinces.)

We see success in the physical and spiritual realms with this program because the training is holistic and participatory.  In each meeting the trainers teach a physical and a spiritual subject.  Behavioral changes and belief changes are seen in people who are in the program.  People's mentality starts to change – they think more about sustainable development and they want to participate in it (as opposed to waiting for handouts).

Activities Accomplished
After the trainers complete a TOT 1 they share the CHE vision in their communities, typically through awareness seminars.  The community members elect a committee which is then receives 18 training sessions.  Once the committee is trained they select between 25 and 50 CHEs, who will be trained in different lesson modules such as:  basic lessions, sanitation and hygiene, agriculture, health, etc.  The CHEs then visit 6 to 10 families regularly, once per week.  Water sources are improved, water is treated so that it is potable, they organize seedling gardens and plant trees (for reforestation), start vegetable gardens, raise chickens and rabbits, dig fish ponds.  They also do evangelism and have small group Bible studies.  The entire process is facilitated by a group of master trainers who are responsible to supervise two or three CHE programs, as well as a team of two to four local trainers who volunteer in their community, training the committee and the CHEs.

What are some reasons why are there challenges implementing CHE?

• The trainers weren't well chosen.
• No local community leaders open doors or integrate into the process.
• The community is very used to receiving relief work.
• People are not motivated to work voluntarily toward holistic development.
• They want to start with projects rather than receiving training.
• They think more about the way to resolve problems rather than thinking about the resources they have that can help them advance.
• Non-governmental organizations with a lot of money give gifts and do relief work in the community.
• Natural disasters or political crisis.

Needs

• Reinforce the capacity of the trainers, committee, and CHEs in order to have both quantity and quality of programs.
• Ensure that there are models for people to grow under, particularly spiritually.
• Increase the spiritual training that is done in the home visits, in order to truly see a holistic change.

Practical Advice

• The vision seminar should be done with the principle leaders of the mission or organization – the decision makers must be there.
• The choice of the trainers who are invited to the TOT 1 is critical.  They must:
• Have a good witness in the community.
• Live in the community or live no further than 45 minutes away.
• They must be able to read and write.
• Have the ability to share what they learn.
• Available to volunteer around four hours of time per week.
• Start to put into practice what they learn and model what they teach.
• Christians who are faithful.
• Interested in both the physical and spiritual aspects of people.
• Participate and accompany the community members in their activities.

Osse St Juste in Kansas, where the above report was shared this month with one of AMDH's partners, Church of the Resurrection

A week in Mombin Crochu, northeastern Haiti Day 5

Continuing posts from a week spent traveling in northeastern Haiti last summer.

Plaj Labe -- we stopped here on our way back from gathering stories

Friday, July 19, 2013

When you go to bed at 3 am, the morning comes early! As I get dressed, I discover that my trusty leather sandals finally gave up the ghost . I bought them in Peru a few years ago and they have been great – pretty yet also reliable. I have flipflops to wear here, so no trouble. But the drag is that my other pair of sandals are really too ratty to wear to church now, and I get home to Cap Haitien on a Saturday afternoon – meaning I can't buy anything either before church or before I leave for the Dominican Republic on Monday morning. Hmm, wardrobe difficulties.

Here I am, out and about with what for many people is footwear worn only around the home.  Yikes.  :-)

Breakfast this morning is boiled plantains with an oily sardine and tomato sauce. Since we're not scheduled to go to communities this morning my co-workers left early for a konbit, which is the word used for when a group of people get together to to do physical labor. In this case they wanted to dig a pool in which to breed tilapia fish. For me this means that no one will know if I eat the sardines or not.  And I bought granola bars on my trip to the DR last week, heh-heh.

Sardines, breakfast of champions

I didn't have any meetings in the morning but I had a lot of translation work to do. For this I needed electricity since I would need a fully charged computer for the afternoon meeting, and so I went to the town center to the dance class to plug in to the generator we were using. I decided for the millionth time that I have an awesome life, as I worked with the stories and pictures we'd collected with little kids surrounding me, cha-cha music playing and people dancing in front of me.

Trainers Eric, Osse, and Adelin.  Osse coordinates all of the CHE programs for Medical Ambassadors Haiti.  Eric and Adelin coordinate the programs in the province called "Northeast."

And they're smiling!  It is very common culturally for people to look serious in photos.  It is possible to occasionally capture smiles, though. And it wasn't hard to smile here -- after an afternoon spent driving motorcycles on rough mountain trails, these guys are catching a well-deserved rest.

It's [Almost] Christmas Time, Pretty Baby!

The tree!  I tried to capture the beautifully-frosted windowpanes in this photo but you can't see them.

So I've been jokingly posting on Facebook about how I succumbed to temptation and started listening to Christmas music early this year – before Thanksgiving, even! As I put ornaments on my tree tonight, I had a few gloomy thoughts:

• All these songs about a special day – this isn't really leading up to anything this year for me since I'm working Christmas Eve through to the day-after-Christmas morning.  Since I live alone, three hours from my nearest family, this means that even though I probably won't be busy in the hospital the whole time I still won't be able to come home to any family. And I already will miss seeing family on Thanksgiving!
• I haven't been in town for a lot of Sundays yet, and so even if I'm not busy in the hospital and can go to a random Christmas Eve service, it won't be at my "home" church, or even at a church I really know.
• The last time I decorated my own Christmas tree I couldn't put anything breakable on the bottom branches because of my beloved kitties.  I don't have cats now, nor will there be any cats in my foreseeable future (I live alone and travel too much, also they're not allowed where I live).

Now, before you tell me that Christmas is all about Jesus (and not about cats -- what?), well, I'll just head you off there and tell you that I hope that my whole life is all about Jesus. It is true, we do set aside this time of year to particularly remember the mystery and wonder of the incarnation. But the rituals and the family celebrations are also important -- the beautiful parts of our American culture's celebration of light in the midst of darkness, of peace and harmony and giving of ourselves, of family togetherness. (And still ultimately Jesus-y, since “every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights.”)

My mood didn't stay consistently down tonight because I know (thanks to the Holy Spirit and good brain chemistry and practice – I can't always separate those) that the following statements are also true:

• My family loves me lots and have already started planning a weekend to “do Christmas” when I can get to town.
  
• After spending so many Christmases overseas, I actually got to be with family for Christmas in 2012 and 2013. And since I'll be in the US this year, phone calls to family will be free!
  
• The ornaments I bought a few weeks ago at the second-hand store – feel-good item! not directly supporting the labor of political prisoners! – came with a business envelope filled with hooks (phew, I didn't have any extra and was in the decorating mood tonight)
  
• Most of my ornaments are ones that I haven't seen since Christmas 2006! These bring back memories, since the majority are gifts from my mom, but also from my brother, stepsister, and a good friend. Also a stocking from my dad's wife that she sewed my initial onto, a manger scene my aunt gave me...aww....
  
• I've gotten to see more family members and more often during these past four months than in any of the past 10 years! Woo-hoo!
  
• Whenever I've worked on Christmas it has been a blessing – camaraderie with the staff and getting to help patients and families who are bearing the terrible burden of being sick over the holidays.
  
• And, last but definitely not least: Elvis Christmas music. Double entendres and all. Tee-hee!

We will all have different joys and sorrows in this upcoming season. I know that the ones I mention in this note pale in comparison to death and injustice and deep loss.  May we all experience love and grace in the midst of both the laughter and the pain. For now I'll wish you a Merry Ordinary Time! (That's a joke for you liturgical folk out there.)

Stories of Transfomation -- Community Health Evangelism (CHE) programs around Logat, northeastern Haiti

Stories collected in my travels to northeastern Haiti last year.

Iranise Fleremé, committee member, Logat

My younger brother had a baby, but the baby died. They didn't go to the hospital, she gave birth at home. When she got sick I went to see her. People said she had a zombie. But when I saw her, I saw that it wasn't a zombie – I saw that she had a bad infection and they hadn't sent her to the hospital. I came and I got two other people to find a stretcher so we could get her to the hospital [a three-hour walk]. When she got there they took over her case. It was because of CHE that I knew what to do. Without that she would have died. This was in 2012. She just gave birth again, a little girl.

(c) copyright Iranise Fleremé. Used with author's permission.

Lupisient Oranise, delegate to the LaHatte CHE committee

I really love CHE because CHE has done so much for me. Since CHE came I have learned so many new things.

I didn't used to have a home vegetable garden. But a CHE (Community Health Evangelist) came to my house and encouraged me, so I started one. After I planted the garden I encouraged my neighbors to start one, too, and everyone now has one. I go to their houses and I tell them not to cook food on the ground, not to eat on the ground. In this way children won't be burned. When I cook my food on an improved, raised cooking stove, even if dust comes flying it won't be able to reach the food and bring bacteria.

When the trainers have us meet they study the Bible with us. This is another reason why I love CHE, because I know more about the Bible. They tell us how we should love our brother as we love ourselves. What we wouldn't do to ourselves we shouldn't do to our brothers. I have changed. There are so many things I don't do anymore. You repent – when you remember the lessons you decide not to do bad things because you are in CHE.   

(c) copyright Lupisient Oranise. Used with author's permission.

Joseph Francilo, trainer in Logat

Before CHE came to Logat we had a lot of pregnant women die in childbirth. At that time it was really difficult to get them to go to the hospital. Even the midwives were lacking training. As CHE came to do perinatal training for the pregnant women and the midwives, the midwives started encouraging the women to go to the hospital. They don't just encourage them to go, but they even go with them to the hospital. So now there is more checking up on the women. Every time someone has pain they tell a CHE and the CHE finds a midwife or a trainer. We get a group together and go to her house, and according to the signs she presents with we may have her go to the hospital. Fewer women now die in childbirth, and fewer children die in childbirth. . .

It's now rare that you hear of a woman dying in childbirth, it only happens if she has something particular that's going wrong.

Before CHE, we couldn't get people to go to the hospital. People thought that if you took them to the hospital by stretcher they would die. They thought they should only go by truck, if not they would die. But now, after training, they know they can go by stretcher [a three-hour walk]. Everyone is more motivated to help save the pregnant women.

Before CHE, churches didn't meet together, they didn't want to sit down together. We have three churches in Logat. After a week-long Bible study, in which we had pastors, preachers, and sacristans husband participate together with us, there has been a great improvement. If there is a training done in a church, everyone can come to it. When there are activities, we do them together. This has been since 2008. Pastor Christian did the training (a missionary that was active in the program).

Before CHE, when people were sick they wouldn't tell you, they hid it. Even when there were vaccination campaigns, the parents didn't want to say when the children were born. Even the pregnant women didn't want to say the day of their last menstrual period. They believed they could die if they told you – it's a belief here. But with training this has diminished.

There was another belief, too: women didn't want to tell you about their bodies. They were shy, they were ashamed, they thought it was improper to talk about things like this. Through the CHE training everyone now talks openly. When they are sick they tell you about it without any problem.   

(c) copyright Joseph Francilo. Used with author's permission.

A week in Mombin Crochu (Northeastern Haiti) -- Day 4

Continuing my posts from last year's travels to collect stories from Community Health Evangelism (CHE) communities

Seen while walking just outside the village of Mombin Crochu
(My first picture of the pastoral scene didn't quite turn out since one of these donkeys abruptly mounted the other one!  Nature.)

Thursday, July 18, 2013

I wake up and look at the fruit basket that was placed in my room yesterday. Curiously, there's part of a mango missing. While washing fruit later in the day (for mangos this means scrubbing and soaking them in “regular” water, then rinsing them in treated water) I show the half-eaten one to Adelin. He says, “Oh, yeah, a rat must have started eating it.” I say I didn't know they liked mangos. He answers, “Oh, sure. Rats are wily – they will even climb up a mango tree to eat the mangos!” (FYI, mango trees are really tall!)

After a rough motorcycle ride we arrive in Logat. Osse enters the church and sits down on a pew, extending his legs, looking tired. I say, “These roads are not a joke.” He answers, “No indeed, they are not a joke. They are body-breaking.” I think about this often while traveling – that in other countries people pay dearly to play “extreme” sports, and in Arizona they build little hills for dirt bikers to have fun. But here these things are tiring, and sometimes life-threatening.  (Stay tuned for stories from Logat.)

I found out on this trip that Osse has been involved in community development since even before he started working with CHE in 1993.  He was the founding member of an organization that helped to start the first high school in his village in the early 1990s.  Osse was invited to the high school graduation in the evening and he'd asked if we would accompany him.

Kids playing with a make-shift kite on the grounds of the new high school building in Mombin Crochu.  The government built a second high school some years after Osse's group started their high school.  The new president of Haiti has a building campaign and is constructing this larger building to accommodate the increasing number of secondary school students.

Continuing adventures with a kite!

The small Catholic school that Osse helped found threw a great celebration.  There were, of course, a lot of speeches: the president of the graduating class, the president of the junior year class, the “godfathers” of each of those classes, the “godfather” of both classes combined. Then the “delegate,” Osse, the “sponsor,” and the class president of the high school all spoke.

Roselande (dance instructor Claudin's wife) with a sandwich and kleren (raw rum) with pineapple.

The students put on a play in typical Haitian comedy style: two of the actors are dressed as country bumpkins and there is broad physical comedy. At one point one of them pretends to own a rich man's house to impress his girlfriend. He invites her in to the house and starts telling tall tales, including about how he'd cut a deal with a foreigner for something. Later, he repeats the story about the foreigner and, for proof, he points to me and says, “See, there she is!” Nice bit of improv!

There were many beverages served, all very typical.  After the kleren we were given a choice of sparkling wine, Prestige beer, or the energy drink Robusto.  Above are some of the drinks on my table.

At around 11 pm we were told there was a slight problem and the food wasn't yet ready. They played some music and the kids started dancing konpa.

Konpa!

Supper!  Fried plantains, beet salad, goat, beans and rice.  After supper we each received a Dixie cup full of popcorn.  This was followed by bwason dous (a sweet liqueur) and cake.

By 2:00 am the festivities were done. We started to walk home – super-slowly, the way everyone walks that I'd always attributed to the hot sun, or the steep mountains. But even in the cool night air on a flat road we are sauntering. Osse dropped me off at his house -- where everyone was already asleep -- and left to accompany the couple to the house they're staying at. Taking advantage of the fact that the house wouldn't be locked up for the night until Osse got back, I took a quick bucket bath and was in bed by 3 am.