Christmas

Christmas day: snow falling, my pretend-grumpy Uncle Jim, my Aunt Char and cousin-in-law Erica, my cousin Paul and me drinking tea.



Even if there are only five of you, Christmas isn't necessarily quiet!

Char and I started the day off heading to church. The 11 pm Christmas Eve service seemed too late with our colds, and we instead got to hear a wonderful sermon on Christmas Day about John 1: 1 - 3. Our rector, John Newton, talked about the telescope that's being built in Australia that will see the light from 14-billion-year-old stars, and how Jesus' friend John was looking beyond and before that when he said: In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He pointed out that John was likely not penning such a different story (compared with others' manger scenes) in order to discuss a new philosophy in front of a roaring fire with a glass of port, but rather to call people to transformation. This reminded me of the book that I am already ready to re-read: Bryant Myers' Walking with the Poor: Principles and Practices of Transformational Development. When I can get my head out of my to-do list long enough (!) I am really excited about putting in to place those principles.

After church we finished the meal preparations and Paul and Erica came over. Our family friend Aldine was also supposed to come, but it began snowing and the streets were beginning to look treacherous, so she didn't come. I think we ended up getting four inches, instead of the two inches we were promised.

Fun fact: people from warmer places say funny things about snow, such as, "it's too cold to snow today". I've lived in Minnesota a total of eleven years now, all of them as an adult, and I know it gets pretty cold here, including a week every January where it never gets above zero degrees (-18 C). It also snows some, including when it's really cold. A couple of days ago it was only 14 degrees (-10 degrees C) and snowing. In fact, it's never really too cold to snow. Apparently, at -40 (same Celsius and Fahrenheit) it's not likely to snow due to the moisture capacity of the air (I just looked that up).

Family

Images of a walk near my aunt's on a snowy day: view from her house, the Three Stooges (me, my Aunt Char, my Uncle -- her brother -- Jim), view down their street, view down a lane by a Lake Judy.

It's been snowing nearly every day here. Minnesota is so great in that not only do they plow walking paths as you can see above, but people continue to run in the snow. Not me, though. I've been saying it's too icy and dangerous, even though the truth is that it sounds too difficult to jump over snowy and slushy patches. I should get over it -- it's been almost two weeks since I've done anything but short walks.

Seasons

Christmas devotional: playing music and reading "The Little Drummer Boy" around the Advent wreath

I've gotten to see my dear friends Paul and Libby with their sons Gibbie and Ezra several days so far. I was able to participate in some of the Advent devotionals they did, then see the changes after Christmas. As Libby spread out the purple Advent cloth and later the white Christmas cloth, she asked Gibbie why we use those colors. His answer (learned at the Montessori pre-school he attends 3 hours per week and at home) was: because everything has changed. Pithy answer for a 2 year-old! Tonight Gibbie and I were outside playing in the snow, and he started to sing, "Silent Night, Holy Night." He asked me why the night was holy. I explained that "holy" means set apart or separated, and the night Jesus was born was set apart because it was so special, since it was the time God chose to send Jesus to us.

Paul reading to his sons at a coffee shop.

HOUSE SALE

Here's one more posting, just because I'm so excited! Nadia handed over my keys to the new owner of my house just a few minutes ago. Yay! It's hard to believe it's really done -- it's been so long!

As I think back on the past few months, I am so grateful to all of the people that helped. I know I've said it before, but I couldn't have moved out of the house so quickly and thoroughly without my sister Lorena and then her husband Gregor coming to help me go through things, and Chrissy coordinating a massive garage sale. Chrissy even asked people to donate things to my garage sale, which they did which has really helped me financially.

THE HOUSE IS SOLD!!!!

Yippee! Yahoo! I am thrilled to announce that after 5 1/2 months in an ever-worsening market, I am no longer a home-owner!

The house had become a huge burden in terms of time and finances. Big thanks again to Erin for being my POA in September and October, Jeff for working long hours on my troublesome pool, Joe for continuing to groom my lawn to perfection while awaiting the sale, Ernie for the repairs he did in September, and Nadia for storing my things and letting me stay with her even though I still had a house of my own. Big shout out to God for the relief of the sale and for the amount that I still have in my savings account despite the loss I took. Thanks to everyone who was vigilant in prayer for this issue.

I'm also grateful to Cassie and J -- Kinko's internet was down two days ago and so I went to their house to print documents, then to J's work for him to notarize and explain my documents (since he's both a notary and a realtor) and FedEx them.

That night was great -- instead of completing the continuing medical education due next week by myself at a dial-up computer, I went to J's office with Cassie and Robyn and we worked together (which is legal, by the way!). It's much more fun to spend 4+ hours with others, and I was also glad to see Robyn for the first time since her wedding.

Buzz Words

Moving:
Geographically, I moved 2100 miles (3380 kilometers) last week.

Spiritually, lots is still happening in Argentina right now. I'm not sure what I can say while things are still in progress, so I'll keep this posting general. I was reading some information being gone through at a church in Argentina, and saw the following words:

• Holistic
• Commitment to those who are poor and marginalized
• Long-term solutions
• Local ownership and initiative
• Participatory learning
• Multiplication and movement
• Servant leadership
• Contextualization

My friend Eva calls these buzz words, and told me about the game "buzz word bingo" which can liven up staff meetings. She mentioned that to me once when I used a few too many of those words in one conversation. But they can actually be useful: on the document that I saw there was a paragraph to describe each word, and they are central concepts to the work of LifeWind. If, for example, all do not embrace a holistic strategy, ministry can quickly become focused solely in one area.

Up North

I left Missouri on Sunday morning since the Iowa DOT said the roads were clear. Thankfully I didn't have much of Missouri left to go, since their roads were still icy. Iowa was clear and dry and a beautiful, easy drive. The southern part of the state was lovely -- it was sunny out and the trees were glistening with ice and snow.

I made it to Minnesota with an hour to spare before going to a dinner that my friends Cassie and J had for me with some former residency colleagues. I hadn't seen most of them since we graduated 3 1/2 years ago, and it was fun to catch up. I had some moments of missing clinical medicine -- Jennifer was late due to two ICU admissions, and I'd always loved hospital work and haven't done it since residency. However, as we discussed other issues like charting, time, office politics, etc. I decided that I'm excited about my new job with its different sorts of challenges!

Yesterday was spent catching up with another residency colleague, Kim, who couldn't make it to the dinner. I got to meet the newest addition to her family and talk about the joys of correctional medicine as she's in the middle of a job change. I also ran into Rachael (unplanned) at a coffee shop and met her Alpha colleagues, then went to Paul and Libby's for a couple of hours. Gibbie, their 2 1/2 year-old, sung me some of the new songs he's learned.

Today is supposed to be spent on my latest to-do list: creating some work accounts, responding to contacts, continuing medical education, etc. However, I got a late start due to a nasty head cold -- priority will be going out to by some lotion-y Kleenex for my poor nose! The other venture for today, which I'm in the middle of, is to find a Kinko's to print off my title company's documents which I'm told will be ready this afternoon!! Then I get to take them to a bank for the notary service and overnight them to the title company, also wiring funds for the loss. Yippee! We're getting farther in a home sale than I've gotten since September!

Stuck!

An empty stretch of I-35 in northwestern Missouri

I'm sitting at my computer in a hotel in Bethany, Missouri, looking out at the scene above. Bing Crosby is singing me Christmas music (I put my CD in the computer) and I've got a workout planned in the little gym and some work planned for today: organizing paperwork and hopefully finishing at least the continuing medical education which is due by the end of the year. Why, you ask, would I be hanging out in a hotel room today? The answer: Iowa. Okay, a little bit of Missouri is to blame, too.

I drove quite a bit more than half of my Texas to Minnesota drive yesterday since the promised snow never arrived in Oklahoma or Kansas. The drive was nice, despite the weird driving conditions: nearly 700 miles of strange gray foggy weather. It didn't break until I was halfway through Kansas, and it was not only eerie weather, but it was also odd to have it last for so long. I listened to some Christmas CDs by my Dad's choir, the West Shore Chorale, a worship CD compilation that my friend Erin made for me, and I also found some interesting radio stations. When the snow started swirling and the road had a layer of ice from the storm earlier in the week I decided it was time to pull over. One hotel was full, and so I'm at the Best Western which has wireless internet. I found some excellent websites last night from various states' Departments of Transportation. However, although last night it looked like I would probably be okay today, the snow is coming at the maximum amount predicted. This morning IDOT states that the first 133 miles of I-35 are"completely covered with ice, roadway is completely covered with snow, towing services prohibited"!

So, thinking it unwise to drive where I could not be towed out (!), I called the front desk to book another night of the hotel, then went to the nearby Wal*Mart to get some fruit and water (no offense to northwestern Missouri, but even I couldn't drink the hotel tap water). See the Wake-Up Wal-Mart website for some of the reasons I haven't been inside a Wal*Mart for a decade. (When I got my tire repaired in Yuma I didn't actually have to go inside the store, so I'm not counting that one!)

Hopefully tomorrow all will be well. I'm sure the ice will still be present since it's only 18 degrees here now, but Des Moines is only 1 1/2 hours away in good weather, then it's another 4 hours to St. Paul. So, it looks like I will make it there in time for tomorrow evening's gathering of my former residency colleagues that my friend Cassie put together. However, even if I leave well before dawn, the icy conditions mean that I will still miss church tomorrow morning at my old stomping ground, Messiah Episcopal Church.

House Sale

My nephew William, holding an early Christmas present on his way to the "jumping park" today -- not related to this blog!

I wanted to give an update on my house sale -- the latest contract (the fifth? sixth? I've signed since July), which I signed last Friday evening, is going through so far! As I mentioned a few posts ago, I will be losing money on the house. However, the plus side is that I do still have enough money in my savings account to cover it, and I might be out of the house in 2007. We're shooting for a close date of December 28, which would be delightful. With my traveling, this will require some overnighting of documents and wire transfers, but if we get that far that hopefully means we'll close the deal!

So, while I'm not excited about the financial aspect of it, I am thrilled to think of getting out of the house before the time I've planned to move to Argentina -- that would have been a financially challenging decision. I have also had to go over to my house on a regular basis to work, clean, etc. Now, I'm sure I've complained about having to work on it, but really the difficult thing has been going over there, seeing a house I loved and where I had some really good and really difficult times, and which I haven't lived in since August. I've also been gone so much the past several months and have rotated through so many wonderful people who've taken care of different aspects of the house in my absence, it will be nice not to have to do that anymore!

My Texas Family

My nephews William (top) and Alexander (bottom)

Looking at my pictures for this blog, I realize that I need to get some pics of my brother and sister-in-law before I leave tomorrow morning! I had a nice 2-day visit here in the big state of Texas. We have mostly just hung out, which is what I wanted to do since I haven't had a chance to see these folks much in past years. Thankfully, I had been able to extend several work trips since my older nephew was born, which allowed me to get here for a few days each time. This was the first time I met my second nephew, who is now 9 months old. They are both precious, and very unique individuals. Like many younger brothers, Alexander adores William. We put William in the bath today after some messy outdoor play time. I walked into the bathroom holding Xander -- oh, the shrieks of delight as he saw his big brother play with the water!

I've been able to get some work done here, too -- the internet is a wonderful (?) thing. Also, my brother was kind enough to drive me back and forth from his auto shop -- I got my oil changed, my antifreeze is now good down to -50 degrees, and I got new windshield wipers (mine were flopping, plus I had them put on winter ones). They also found some nicks on the serpentine belt which were due to aging, and I decided to take their advice and have it replaced.

I head up to Minnesota tomorrow -- looks like about 18 hours of driving. Tomorrow I hope to drive through Texas and Oklahoma into Kansas. Yesterday, when I decided I could afford a second day here, it looked like the weather would be good. Now the forecast calls for snow in both Oklahoma and Kansas. The weather looks great again for Saturday, though, and the Iowa/Minnesota snow is supposed to have stopped by then. Hopefully that won't change to the freezing rain of a few days ago, since that would delay my trip -- with the horrible accidents of earlier this week due to the midwestern winter weather, I plan to be cautious. I have to be in Minnesota for some things on Sunday. Hmm....

Fun fact: I'll be driving almost the entire length of I-35 tomorrow and Saturday, since it starts in Duluth, Minnesota (2 1/2 hours north of my endpoint) and ends in Laredo, Texas (about 3 1/2 hours south of my starting point). I also won't have to change roads at all -- I-35 passes through the city I'm in now!

Motel 6

Snow-covered mountains in New Mexico

Motel 6, El Paso, Texas

Wow -- books on CD make time fly! I wish I'd used them on other road trips. I made it to El Paso just fine. I'll stay the night here and drive on to my brother's in Austin tomorrow, which looks like just an 8-hour drive.

Tonight I was musing about how I'd eaten too much today, sort of accidentally. Then I decided to start thinking of happier topics, like how excited I am to have all of my things packed up. It's really remarkable how in the past few months I've really let go of most of my possessions (emotionally, at least, since physically I still have several boxes!). There are some things I want to have for the sake of convenience, of course, like a good tea pot and a salad spinner. But I've really let go of most things. I'm also really beginning to enjoy this new job, in spite of this unusual phase. In fact, in the past I'd fantasized about having a year to go around the country and visit people -- and it seems I'm sort of doing that! :)

In the hotel I began listening to a great song by Chris Rice, "And Your Praise Goes On," which is a great song after a day spent watching southwestern Arizona and southern New Mexico go by:

The moon is high and the sunset fades
The lullabies have all been sung
We’re tuckin’ in another day
And stars appear now one by one
But the stillness moves and the silence yields
And not a single beat is lost
You can hear the chorus in the fields
Taking up where we left off

And Your praise goes on, rising to Your throne
Where You guard us while we dream
Past the stars they fly, Your praises fill the sky
‘Til You wake us with the dawn
And Your praise goes on

Now bring your warmth, O morning sun
Chase the stars and the moon away
And wake us with your brightest song
And add our voice to your refrain
Now rise up everything that lives!
Flap your wings and leap for joy!
Oh forest lift your arms and sway!
Clap your hands you ocean waves!

And Your praise goes on, rising to Your throne
Where You bless our toil and play
Through the clouds they rise, Your praises fill the skies
‘Til the setting of the sun
And Your praise goes on
And when my final breath You lend
I’ll thank You for the life You gave
But that won’t mean the praises end
‘Cause I won’t be silenced by the grave!

And Your praise goes on
I’ll be runnin’ to Your throne
With every nation, tribe and tongue
To Your arms I’ll fly
I’ll gaze into Your eyes
Then I’ll know as I am known
And Your praise goes on
And Your praise goes on
And Your praise goes on

Amazing. Before leaving on this trip I finished More Ready than You Realize by Brian McLaren. He mentions that the Christian subculture seems stuck in the modern era with sort of a boxed-in God. Not that God isn't logical (or, say, the inventor of logic), or a God of order (or, say, the one that ordered all things, "the planets in their courses"). But the post-modern culture sees that if God is living and active then perhaps God should also be recognized as full of amazing creativity, unsearchableness, wonder, and mystery. Not that we cannot know God's character (since it is revealed repeatedly that God is slow to anger, rich in mercy, and abounding in steadfast love), but that we are incapable of fully comprehending God right now. Hmm....

House

Here's the latest on my house in Arizona: I signed another contract four days ago. With this deal I will actually lose a bit of money on the house. I shouldn't pay for repairs with that low of a price (yet), so today I find out if the buyer agrees to this.

I would really like to get out of the house because:

• the market is still getting worse in this area
• it takes time and effort nearly daily to keep it
• it costs over $1100 per month

I am so thankful that I have had enough in my savings to pay for the past several months plus what I will lose on the house. I don't really have anything left after that, though. Ah, learning to "lean on the everlasting arms" a little more. Why are these lessons so difficult?

On the road again

At a market in Argentina -- "I'll have no problem decorating my home there!" she thought gleefully.

My movers (paid for by my last job!) are here right now, and then I'll head off on a loooong road trip:

Monday and Tuesday: Phoenix, Arizona to Austin, Texas

Wednesday (and Thursday?): hang out with my brother Matthew, his wife Michelle, and my two nephews William and Alexander.

Thursday and Friday (or Friday and Saturday?): Austin, Texas to St. Paul, Minnesota

I'm actually looking forward to the drive -- and I don't usually like driving at all. I got some books on CD from the library: my little Florence, Arizona library told me that I can renew them by phone while I'm gone as long as I didn't take super-popular ones -- it's great to be at a small place. I'm also really looking forward to seeing my brother's family, which I couldn't have done without driving.

My time in Minnesota will be spent support-raising, relationship-building, going through and documenting what's in the boxes I'm storing, and my usual work of: house-selling, plans for Argentina, preparing paperwork for my visa, and miscellaneous office work. I'm also planning on taking a few days of vacation!

More Travels
On Monday, January 7 I fly from Minnesota to Berkeley, California for a final confab with my sister Lorena and brother-in-law Gregor. I have some work items with them (ordering printer cartridges and other electronics supplies, figuring some things out with my new computer) but we'll also hopefully take a few days off. The last two times I've seen them it's seemed like non-stop work from morning till night (when they helped me move out of my house and when we were at our mom's).

Then I fly to Phoenix on Friday, January 11 -- Bruce and Peachy are going to pick me up from the airport and we'll hang out. I'll have nearly two weeks here in Arizona before moving to Argentina. I hope to leave on Thursday, January 24, but I need to make sure that my friend (with the keys to the apartment!) will be in town before booking the flight. January's the biggest vacation month down there.

O Holy Night

Buenos Aires
(image from Lonely Planet)

I was thinking of taking today off, but decided instead to take tomorrow off since this is the last weekday I'll be in a stable place for over a week, and I needed to get some "weekday" things done: I had questions for LifeWind and I also wanted the Arizona Secretary of State's office to place an apostille on some documents for my visa application. Turns out one of the notaries stamped several of my documents incorrectly, so I only was able to get the apostille on one of them. Plans for a hike were scrapped since the weather was scary (40-mile an hour winds) and I wanted to get to the bank before closing to see if the notary I'd used was still at work to correct the documents.

Driving through downtown Phoenix today I started getting excited about living in a city again. And what a city: the population of Buenos Aires is over 12 million! For some reason, cities feel more real to me than suburbs. I don't know exactly why that is, since obviously real people with real problems and real joys live in the suburbs, too. As an adult, the only time I've lived in suburbs has been these past three years, and maybe I just haven't gotten rid of the stereotyping. Maybe I'm just dramatic. In Phoenix today I saw billboards of people whose faces and teeth were ravaged by meth addictions. But statistics show that there are people addicted to meth living in rural areas and suburbs, too.

This Sunday I will be giving the communion meditation. I just found out that communion comes after singing "O Holy Night:"

O holy night,
the stars are brightly shining;
It is the night of
our dear Savior's birth!
Long lay the world
in sin and error pining,
Till He appeared
and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope,
the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks
a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees,
O hear the angel voices!
O night divine,
O night when Christ was born!
O night divine, O night,
O night divine!

Led by the light of Faith
serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts
by His cradle we stand.
So led by light of a star
sweetly gleaming,
Here came the wise men
from Orient land.
The King of Kings lay thus
in lowly manger,
In all our trials
born to be our Friend!
He knows our need,
To our weakness no stranger;
Behold your King!
Before the lowly bend!
Behold your King! your King!
before Him bend.

Truly He taught us
to love one another;
His law is love and
His gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break
for the slave is our brother
And in His name
all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in
grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us
praise His holy name!
Christ is the Lord,
Oh praise His name forever,
His pow'r and glory evermore proclaim
His pow'r and glory
evermore proclaim.

I love so much about this song, and when not done in a cheesy way it's my favorite Christmas song. Today I noticed for the first time the line, "Till he appeared and the soul felt its worth." Wow. All of us, suburbanites, urbanites, meth addicts, government employees -- our souls are amazingly valuable. So valuable that "the King of kings lay thus in a lowly manger" in the Middle East, lived in a tumultuous time, was misunderstood by his friends, suffered, and died for our souls.

Yet Another Exciting Day

Ladies' card group (plus my sister) last September -- absolutely nothing to do with today's posting.

A snapshot of some of the things I did today:

• Stopped by the church office to fax some things about my upcoming move. I met lots of women from the church who were busy filling boxes for our food pantry. Go Cameo and her team!
• My realtor called to tell me the latest house deal fell through (see two postings back). Good news: I get the earnest money. I went to the house and cleaned the pool, weeded, changed smoke alarm batteries, lit the pilot to the fireplace, and swept. Joe (from church) is still mowing my lawn regularly and it looks beautiful. My wonderful neighbors, Bruce and Peachy, loaned me a broom, dustpan, and ladder. I didn't have time to stop by for coffee today, but I did two days ago.
  
• Went to Florence to get fingerprints required for my FBI clearance which is needed for a visa to Argentina. I got some money orders (no one trusts anyone these days!) and went to the Pinal County Sheriff's Office for the second time in two days. They had told me by phone I could come until 5 pm. I arrived at 3:24 and was told that they stop doing it at 3:30. The clock in the office was fast and the worker told me I would have to come back tomorrow. Shades of bureaucracy to come?
• Met a mover at Nadia's house who assessed the items I'm planning on moving to Minnesota. The government will pay for me to move back to my "home of record" and my Aunt Char is kind enough to offer to store some boxes for me. My friend Nadia in Arizona has offered to keep my things, but if something changes in her living arrangements it seems so silly to pay for storage when I can get free shipment to the land of basements.
  

Fun fact: on the application for a visa to Argentina, it requests: Two (5) color pictures. ¾ Right profile, 1 ½ inch by 1 ½ inch. Now, is that two or five pictures????? Tee-hee! I have yet to find a place to do the photos. Office Max, for example, can only do 2 x 2 photos, full-face.

Family

Me and my Mom!

It seems there's never enough quality time with family. I haven't lived near my family in 19 years -- a long time! I don't usually visit for as long as I did this time (nearly two weeks), instead trying to get them to come visit me. I think this is altruistic, really, since I usually live in sunnier places. :)

This visit there were several speaking engagements planned (including helping facilitate a LifeWind training in Canada which didn't pan out) and a long-standing promise to help my Mom with some things in her house. I ended up spending a lot of time working on my own things: nearly daily paperwork on my house in Arizona, continuing medical education on line, etc. I did help go through things (see previous blog) but it didn't seem like we got enough time to hang out. This is especially poignant because I'm moving to Argentina next month and don't know when I'll see her again.

Above are my sister Lorena and brother-in-law Gregor. This photo is from our last late-night card session. I love this picture, because they both have a sort of sneaky look on their faces!

Above are two of the three people I keep in touch with from high school, Rachel and Elaine. I've seen them both a couple of times since our last high school reunion, but they hadn't seen each other since then. I made them promise to take notes at next year's 20th reunion, since I won't be able to go. I haven't gotten to see my third friend, Karen, in a really long time. However, while going through boxes in my mom's attic I found our 7th grade school newspaper with a critique she had written of two TV shows. Here is a snapshot: "Happy Days" has been on for so long it has run out of interesting story lines....The nation-famous Arthur "Fonz" Fonzerelli has lost some of his eagerness, excitement and all-around spunk." Now, that's harsh!

Here are my Dad and his wife Beverly. They're going to buy my car for Beverly to use, which simplifies some things for me. I'll be driving to Minnesota next week for some support-raising and vacation and box-going-through. I will get to use the car while I'm there, and then they will pick it up. Getting to drive also means that I will get to meet my nephew, Alexander:

Nephew Xander, who still has not gotten to meet his Aunt Liz!

Epic Volunteer Christmas party

Nadia, Erin, and me at the party

Sunday night was our church's volunteer Christmas party. This was my third one, and I'm always so impressed with the number of people that volunteer in the children's ministry, sound, ushering, greeting, set-up, food pantry, etc. Plus, it's a collection of really fun people. Our staff also really go all out with the set-up, food, and entertainment.

I'll try to get some video copy for you because there was some can't-miss entertainment that night!

I'm also super-impressed with our church body in general. I've been "home" for three full days now, and have been asked by so many people the status of my house. So many people are praying for this issue! The upshot on the house, hot off the press with today's changes, is as follows: the December 18 deal fell through. I countered an investor's offer today for a December 28 close date. I really would like this to be over, since with paperwork, faxing, phone calls, starting repair projects, cleaning, and weeding, it's taking nearly daily work.

Shrug

Taking a walk in autumnal (!) Michigan.

I was in Cleveland, Ohio for the last two weeks of November, and took a three-hour drive to Michigan to visit my friends Jenny and Ken and their two children, Grace and Kate. We had a lot of fun playing with the tent their uncle had just given them -- it's a very light indoor tent and 21-month old Kate kept barreling into the tent, ostensibly through the door. She ended up moving the tent throughout the living room each time she entered it. I got caught up on my princesses with a new puzzle book Grace had -- I'd completely forgotten that Sleeping Beauty is also known as Princess Aurora. Little did I know, that knowledge would come in handy during a Trivial Pursuit game a few days later!

The theme of storage came up both in Ohio and Michigan: Jenny has things in storage since their house has been on the market, and we exchanged some items in her storage container while I was there. In Ohio my sister, brother-in-law, and I helped my Mom get rid of some items. Many of those items turned out to be ours! I'd forgotten that I'd stored things in her attic like childhood awards and crafts. These exercises were very good for me since I'm continuing to reduce what I store here and what I consider taking with me to Argentina. Some things are non-negotiable, like photo albums. Other things, like books, are beginning to seem easily replaceable at a future date, if ever. With other things like childhood items, I've tried to save a representative few.

"We never had to take any of it seriously, did we?" That's a line from Atlas Shrugged, and it really speaks to me about so much of my life. I take far too much far too seriously. Really, if I get rid of too much or too little, in the end it won't really matter. I'm bound to make some mistakes or mis-judgments in this process.

The title of Atlas Shrugged comes from a conversation between two of the protagonists:

D'Anconia: "If you saw Atlas, the giant who holds the world on his shoulders, if you saw that he stood, blood running down his chest, his knees buckling, his arms trembling but still trying to hold the world aloft with the last of his strength, and the greater his effort the heavier the world bore down upon his shoulders -- what would you tell him to do?"

Reardon: "I...don't know. What...could he do? What would you tell him?"

D'Anconia: "To shrug."

Rebel Jesus

I thought this picture was appropriate since I'm philosophizing in this entry.

Well, I'm back in Arizona! I've spent the day so far in planning storage, different ideas of my trip next week to Minnesota, starting to book my flight to Argentina, and hearing from my realtor that I shouldn't schedule repairs on my house yet since the latest buyer now has credit problems.

I'm staying at Nadia's house again, and while eating lunch I put on a Christmas CD by Bebo Norman that she has. I wasn't really listening to it until I heard the lines:

To break the chains
Of guilt and sin
To find us here
To pull us in
So we can join in Heaven's song
And with one voice around the throne

I am thrilled that part of my job is "to proclaim freedom to the captives" and I started worshiping God that all these silly tasks I have to do are leading to a larger goal. Thinking of the concept of freedom from sin, I was reminded of the book I was reading last night: Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged. Now there's a woman with a message she wants to deliver! I liked The Fountainhead better since it didn't have so many long speeches, but I like quite a bit of Atlas Shrugged as well. I don't agree with a lot of her philosophy, but the high value she places on reason, integrity, and absolute truth is inspiring. She is very focused on the glory of the individual, the importance of individual effort, and adamantly against religion and socialism. For example, in a (far too long) speech by the main character John Galt she writes:

"Integrity is the recognition of the fact that you cannot fake your consciousness...that man is an indivisible entity..., and that he may permit no breach between body and mind, between action and thought, between his life and his convictions...that courage and confidence are practical necessities, that courage is the practical form of being true to existence, of being true to truth, and confidence is the practical form of being true to one's own consciousness."

She's very against the idea of original sin, and I can't quite understand what she thinks about forgiveness, though it comes up several times in the book. Sin is definitely a focus for her, and it seems that her idea of how to deal with it is to decide that much of it doesn't really exist, but is rather misplaced ideas of a moral code. That's pretty interesting, since she speaks very strongly against people who deny truth's existence.

Then I read about the inspiration for Bebo Norman's album: a Jackson Browne song called, "Rebel Jesus:"

All the streets are filled with laughter and light
And the music of the season
And the merchants' windows are all bright
With the faces of the children
And the families hurrying to their homes
While the sky darkens and freezes
Will be gathering around the hearths and tables
Giving thanks for God's graces
And the birth of the rebel Jesus

Well they call him by 'the Prince of Peace'
And they call him by 'the Savior'
And they pray to him upon the seas
And in every bold endeavor
And they fill his churches with their pride and gold
As their faith in him increases
But they've turned the nature that I worship in
From a temple to a robber's den
In the words of the rebel Jesus

Well we guard our world with locks and guns
And we guard our fine possessions
And once a year when Christmas comes
We give to our relations
And perhaps we give a little to the poor
If the generosity should seize us
But if any one of us should interfere
In the business of why there are poor
They get the same as the rebel Jesus

Now pardon me if I have seemed
To take the tone of judgment
For I've no wish to come between
This day and your enjoyment
In a life of hardship and of earthly toil
There's a need for anything that frees us
So I bid you pleasure
And I bid you cheer
From a heathen and a pagan
On the side of the rebel Jesus

That reminded me of an excerpt of Focus on the Family that I heard while driving from Michigan to Ohio last week. I didn't hear the entire show because I got out of range, so perhaps I missed some important points. But James Dobson was talking about boycotting stores primarily because they had stopped using the word "Christmas." He proceeded to list stores and detail the changes they had made. I take no issue with that, and it may well be a slippery slope to something evil. It does strike me, however, that it may be more critical to know which stores buy from sweatshops (Macy's?), or countries that routinely use political prisoners' labor (China?), or keep people imprisoned for work (Nike?), or routinely destroy the environment and the availability of potable water (Coca-Cola?). I have question marks because I have not looked into the above issues for several years, and I don't know the major offenders anymore. There likely are reputable organizations that look up information like that, but it seems really difficult to find trustworthy information and then to follow through on it. So, I think that yet again I'll avoid making the effort to find out about them and pretend that since I don't buy much it doesn't matter what I buy. Integrity, anyone?

Blogging?

In two days I'll be back in Arizona and back to blogging. The dial-up connections at both of my parent's houses, plus the other work I've had, have kept me away from blogging. More fun entries to come -- stay tuned!

Kairos

Why am I going to Argentina right now? There are definitely poorer countries, and countries with more obvious spiritual issues. So why Argentina? My stepsister Karina described this time as a “kairotic moment” for Argentina, which in rhetoric (her area of study) means a passing instant when an opening appears. According to the New Testament Greek lexicon, kairos is the time when things are brought to crisis, the opportune or seasonable time. What is going on in Argentina that makes me characterize it this way?

Several key provinces are excited and active in working for change in their communities. We have been invited to work in four key provinces: Buenos Aires, Cordoba, Santa Fe, and Salta. The first three are key because they are home to Argentina’s three largest cities. Salta is key because it is a land rich in natural resources that also has a significant indigenous population (Wichi).

In Buenos Aires the denominational barriers have fallen and churches are working together. The Libertador Church has been doing relief work in Baradero, a nearby slum, for many years, and recently began incorporating development techniques in the area. This past month, a couple from that church (Horacio and Silvia, who have prayed for 20 years to be released full-time to missions) received the go-ahead to move to Baradero to work full-time. In Cordoba a large evangelical church recently woke up to the idea of missions and is being trained to train others in transformational development. In Salta the villagers have responded to recent trainings with action: building a new form of oven, planning a village-wide event to deal with alcoholism, and requests for more training from both Christian and secular groups.

Horacio and Silvia

Fun serendipitous fact: the location for the training we did near Buenos Aires was called Centro Kairos! Here we are at the urban TOT1:

Change

The Columbia River in Wenatchee Valley last week.

I arrived in Cleveland, Ohio a few days ago. I don't have any pictures yet, so the one above is from last week's vacation. On Friday night I spoke with my Dad and Stepmom's "K-group." This is a group of people from their church with whom they've been meeting every other week. It was a very interesting group of people, several of whom had done short-term mission trips -- primarily in the States, but also outside of the country. The best part was when I was told a few times that I had done so much: medicine, travel, different jobs, etc. When this happens I am reminded that I was a very different person in high school (the last time I lived here), before taking Christ and his love and purpose and forgiveness so seriously.

In my community group last month we were assigned to write in 100 words or less how our lives had changed due to the love of God. I wrote the following: In high school I was very judging and critical of other people. This really came out of a deep insecurity – I was lonely and looking for acceptance, but that was hard to find when I was so critical of others. Over many years of searching, reading the Bible and praying, I decided to accept what God said about me, and I really met Jesus in a personal way. Since then I have a deep sense of being loved, accepted, and I know that I have a purpose. I also really love and value other people.

Now, it's not that I'm not ever judging or angry. In fact, it's incredible how being back with family and in my hometown can switch me somewhat into that mode -- and I've only been here three days! But there is a point below which I do not go, because I know at my core that I am loved, accepted, and have a purpose. I may sometimes act the old way, but I can go back to the source of life and be renewed in this love and truth.

I spoke at my Mom's church today, a brief "Minute for Missions." Afterwards at coffee hour I met the mother of someone I'd known in grade school. Yet again I remembered the deep-seated anger that characterized my "early years." This remembrance of who I was, who I am now, and who I am becoming, is so exciting to me. When I speak about ministry with LifeWind, I talk a lot about physical change: protecting sources of clean drinking water, disease prevention, small business development. It's all of a piece: our emotional and spiritual lives either uplift or weigh down our vocational and physical lives, and vice versa.

Cling

Sara goes to Bethany Community Church, whose pastor is Richard Dahlstrom -- check out his website: www.rainycitypastor.blogspot.com. I’ve listened to his teachings before, since my friend Amy has loaned me recordings of retreats she has gone to where he was the speaker. The sermon title this week was, “Inviting people to the wholeness of rest.” He cited a portion of a letter he had received from some of the church’s missionaries, who wrote, “My first and primary vocation and obedience is my sanctifying journey towards Christ.”

I’m sure that those missionaries have challenging work, since they minister to prostitutes in the slums of El Alto, near La Paz, Bolivia. However, they recognize that their work will be ineffective if they do not remember their first love, Christ. Henri Nouwen writes in The Way of the Heart that, “Our first and foremost task is faithfully to care for the inward fire so that when it is really needed it can offer warmth and light to lost travelers.”

Dahlstrom said that instead of pursuing godly habits, we should pursue Christ who will shepherd us to those habits. “CLING TO CHRIST,” he said (emphasis mine).

He also said something really funny, especially since Eva (from Germany) was sitting next to me. He was talking about whining (I can’t remember why) and he spoke of a trip to Germany where everything seemed better, and yet Europeans come to Seattle and think Seattle is great. His example of their whining contest was: American guy, “We don’t have any castles, ” and German guy, “Well, we don’t have anyone who throws fish.” Tee-hee!

Photo of the Pike Place Market, where fish are thrown daily.

Vacation, cont.

Ah, vacation! Here I am in the Wenatchee Valley (just east of the Cascades in Washington State) with some vineyards and the Columbia River in the background.

These grapes are being prepared for use in ice wine:

It started snowing on our drive back west through the Cascades:

We cooked quite a bit: Sara lived in China for five years and taught us some dishes. Here are Eva and Sara cooking tiger-skin peppers and the little-known Chinese dish “eggs with tomatoes:”

Eva cooked us some great German food, here with spinach and savory pancakes:

We also went out to eat a few times. Here we are with our friend Julie from college:

Eating fish and chips along the beach:

We later took a walk along the beach and saw a bald eagle in a tree. Thankfully we stayed a few minutes, and got to see him dive for food. He then took it back to his perch in the tree to eat it. He had to fight off seagulls and then crows to eat his food. Click on the picture to see it full-screen with the snow-covered Olympia Mountains in the background.

Vacation!

Last week I was on vacation in Seattle – it was fabulous! My friend Sara lives there and our friend Eva came from Germany for 10 days of laughing, cooking, traveling, advice-giving, and telling our stories. Friendship is a wonderful thing.

We traveled to Roslyn, Washington, where “Northern Exposure” was filmed. Here is the classic view of the town:

And here’s an interesting side street – note the sign over the building!
We stopped at a café with this sign:

And the next day we took a walk in the hills:

Seattle and Friends

I haven't posted in a bit because I've been on vacation in Seattle with my two dear friends, Sara and Eva. It's a little nicer visiting than posting!

I have had to be on-line quite a bit with things for my house -- within the last week I got an offer, the buyer backed out, and I got another offer. Hope deferred makes the heart sick.... :)

I've got some great pictures I will post when I get to Cleveland later this week, so please come back then!

Home

My kitties, Oreo and Pepa, during our last nap the day before we said goodbye.

What does home mean to you? I have moved around a lot, and for the past 18 years home has either meant my current house or apartment or St. Paul, Minnesota. Right now, though, I don't really live anywhere. I moved out of my house in August in anticipation of selling it and got rid of most of my things. My friend Nadia has been fabulous to let me stay at her house while I'm in Arizona (and store lots of things there), but in reality that will be only a few scattered weeks as I travel to several states between now and January.

Tonight I was having dinner with a lovely family from my home church. The food was delicious: Greek spanakopita, Syrian lamb-stuffed grape leaves, and a salad dressed in the Syrian style (lemon juice, oil, and spearmint!). The conversation was highly varied, from how to make caramel/chocolate/nut/licorice spiders with Tiffani to ancient history with Justin to parasites with Bob and then to guinea pigs with the Weitrick family that stopped by. Margaret and I then adjourned for a little light after-dinner conversation: fun topics like blood diamonds, the Taliban, human trafficking, child prostitution, etc. But really, we were talking about how once you know about these things, you want to make a difference, even in just one person's life. And this is why I want or need to do mission work full-time, because I can't stop thinking about these things. Not in an obsessive way or anything, but being aware of these things leads me to want to do something. Some people are called to pray or to raise awareness or to give money to organizations that will do something, I think that I am called to go.

After dinner I had to stop by my house to work on something. I started to cry when I walked in there because I wanted it all back. I wanted the furniture, every piece of which had a story -- mostly being from relatives or gotten for free years and years ago. I wanted my two beloved cats back. I wanted my home.

And yet what do I really want? Margaret and I talked about the exciting adventure of being able to be a blessing in other people's lives and the amazing grace that we are given while we serve. We also talked about it as being a little crazy sometimes. Several people have mentioned to me in the past week that they are impressed that I would give up potentially lucrative career as a physician in the U.S. To me, that's not the crazy part. What is crazy is trusting that I will not receive any formal salary, but instead live on voluntary financial support. My home church, Epic Christian Church, has committed to supporting 70% of my financial needs on an ongoing basis (also crazy -- Epic has been a good place for me to learn more wacky, godly, trusting attitudes about money). We are having a "Great Global Giveaway" over this next week -- asking people to give as they are led and trusting God for Epic's portion needed for 2008, a mere $28,000. Yesterday was a day of fasting and prayer for me, the upcoming offering, and what God is doing around the world.

On the plus side, life isn't boring.

"By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going. By faith he went to live in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, living in tents with Isaac and Jacob, heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God....These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one." Hebrews 11: 8 - 10, 13 - 16a

Not a quick fix

September 12, 2007

Above is a photo of me taking Doña Marta's blood pressure. She and I hardly spoke before the above picture was taken -- her husband, Don Donato, (the cacique, or leader of the Wichi village) said that he wanted me to evaluate her medically and that he would interpret for me since she spoke limited Spanish. I don't know if you can appreciate it in the photo, but I was rather irritated. You see, in a village like this -- dangerous open cooking fires, little food, and lots of social and political problems (for example, the majority of the Wichi land was recently made into a federal park and they are not allowed to harvest wood on the national park land) -- there was a lot more involved with this woman's health than I could solve in one visit, yet so many hopes (her husband's and those who came with us to the village) seemed to be pinned on it. Secondly, 90% of the primary care physician's diagnosis comes from the history, and I didn't know how to get an accurate history. Instead of interpreting, Don Donato answered most of the questions I asked without any input from her, and added a lot about his own symptoms as well. I've seen people "diagnose" from one or two questions before -- this happened daily in the Philippines during the military's humanitarian mission where I saw people given Advil to "cure" their chest pain. To me, that way of doing medicine is disrespectful, not least because it raises false hopes.

I mentioned to Don Donato that from what I could tell, some labs tests would be helpful. We then started talking, and he brought up the fact that people came to them and gave them pills or wrote prescriptions, but that his people just got sick again later. I asked him if he would like the villagers to be trained so that they would know a lot about their own medical problems and would be able to prevent many of them. We discussed a screening that would help determine what issues were in the village (parasites, malnutrition) and then offering training to his people. He said that he would like that, since "it's not just medicine that is needed." Please pray that the people of his village, Ebenezer, will indeed receive that screening (we talked about it happening some time in February) and that it will be a catalyst for them to learn how to help their village.

Later on Doña Marta and I spoke some as we walked around her land. She showed me how she harvested fibers from a plant to make the beautiful weaving we had admired. We shared some laughs as I tried to pronounce some names in Wichi, including the word "Wichi" itself. I was glad to connect with her, even if only in a small way.

Independent Woman

With apologies to Destiny's Child, I'm not sure that being an independent woman is all it's cracked up to be. My lifestyle of independence has not prepared me for this new phase. Back in college, I was blessed that the money my parents had saved plus scholarships was enough to pay for tuition. Each year we thought I would need to borrow, but never did. I had a two friends in college (Teri and Deb) who had to work like crazy to support themselves and still had quite a bit of debt. This story isn't about me not being blessed financially, because I was, but about my attitude of independence.

Except for holiday gifts I don't recall receiving any cash from my parents the first 10 years after I left home. The first two years I lived in the dorms and had work-study jobs that paid for my books, toiletries, and other expenses. When I moved to an apartment the summer before third-year, it simply never occurred to me to ask for money for room and board. I used the money I earned during the summer and then at my school-year work-study job for rent, food, and all other expenses. Spring semester I realized that I would need to save up money for my upcoming fall semester abroad. It never occurred to me to ask for money for this. I simply got a second job and worked 40 hours a week spring semester, despite the full course load. In the summer I worked two jobs totaling at least 60 hours a week (which didn't seem like a lot compared to my then-boyfriend who consistently worked 80 hours per week) and saved what I could.

I graduated the following year on a Saturday and started working for the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association the next Monday. I started out at 40 hours per week at minimum wage, but quickly started working overtime, which since I was paid by the hour was nice. After two years I quit that job to start taking pre-med requirements, mostly full-time, occasionally over. The first summer and fall quarter I was able to only work one part-time job by using the over-time savings I had built up, but after that I took a second and then a third part-time job to make ends meet. It never occurred to me to ask my parents for money for school or to slow down. I just worked more -- the weekends were especially brutal with Friday and Saturday night-shifts as a nursing station technician at a pediatric ICU then working most of Sunday as the Senior High Youth Minister at my church. Mornings before class I worked as a home health aide at an assisted living facility.

During medical school and residency I traveled several times to Third World countries to visit missionaries and to do mission work. It never occurred to me to ask for donations for this, I simply used money that I had saved. In fact, it only occurred to me last year that I could have asked for donations when I told my friend Nadia this would be a new lifestyle for me and she was surprised I had never received donations before.

My parents would probably have loaned or given me money if I had asked. They are both more generous with each passing year. In fact I think I did end up borrowing some money from my mother when I was overseas and some from my Dad later over the years for some used cars. But the point is, for some reason, it didn't occur to me to ask. I thought I had to do everything on my own.

My new "salary" will come 100% from donations. This includes all moving expenses, all work expenses, and all monthly living expenses. I received my last paycheck last month, and thought I'd saved enough money for all of my living and ministry expenses to last through these next three months of support-raising in the U.S. Then my house didn't sell. As I was driving back from San Diego last week, I was thinking about all of these things, and realized I was being led into an even deeper area of trust. I realized that despite being committed to living fully on support for the foreseeable future I had saved enough, I had planned enough, etc. Don't get me wrong -- I'm still very into hard work and thriftiness. However, I think that I have established some seriously independent ways of thinking that are going to make this new way of living/being more difficult.